


I'm Not Leaving Here Without You

by ProxyOne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Benny POV, Benny works it all out, M/M, Purgatory, rambling fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4286046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProxyOne/pseuds/ProxyOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That line replayed, over and over, in Benny's head.  He had no doubt that Dean meant it, either.  Why?  It made no sense.  They had a chance to get out of here, a chance to get back to Earth, to live a real life that didn't involve blood and violence at every turn, and Dean was willing to let that chance go sailing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Leaving Here Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a rambly sort of fic that is unproofed, so my apologies for any and all mistakes

If Benny was being honest with himself, he had to admit: this was not exactly what he expected from the famous Dean Winchester. At first, yes, he'd been everything he'd been led to believe, and no more. A single minded killing machine, dispatching monster after monster with ruthless efficiency after milking them for all the information they had to give. He hadn't really given too much thought as to _why_ Dean wanted the angel so badly - he just wanted to get out of this (quite literally) God-forsaken place, and if Dean was his guaranteed ticket out of here, then he was willing to put up with a few bits of idiosyncratic behaviour. Yes, he would prefer to be moving to their target a little faster, but beggars can't exactly be choosers. Dean was mowing through vampire after werewolf with no reservation, and they _were_ making progress.

There were glimpses of another side to him, sure. Every night, as they found themselves somewhere sheltered to rest, Dean would take himself off. The first few nights Benny had sat back, just observing, before his curiosity got the better of him. The fourth night he followed, but before he could get close enough to see what Dean was doing the other man spun, his blade pointed directly at Benny's throat.

"Back off."

They were the only words Dean spoke, but Benny could hear the strain in his voice, could see the way Dean's eyes shone with what he could scarcely bring himself to believe were unshed tears. He had raised his hands, taking half a step back.

"Just checking on you, brother."

"I'm not your brother. And I don't need checking on. So just... _back off._ "

Dean hadn't dropped the blade until Benny had returned to sit down. But every night after that, they had gone through the routine. They'd set up camp, then Dean would wander off, sometimes returning after a few short minutes, sometimes staying away for half an hour or more. But each time he'd come back the same: quiet, tenser than usual, even for him. Sometimes with smudged marks across his cheek as though he'd hurriedly rubbed at tears that had cut tracks through the grime. Benny knew better than to mention them though, especially given the effort Dean went to to pretend that there was nothing out of the ordinary. But the nightly ritual didn't affect Dean's focus, so eventually Benny put it out of his mind.

So when they finally did find Castiel, Benny was more than a little shocked. It was like the Dean he had been traveling with just melted away. No more blood lust, no more drive to kill whatever he needed to. No more of the feared monster killer, Dean Winchester. Benny sensed it the moment they saw the angel crouched by the water. Felt the way Dean froze, just for a moment, as though in disbelief. And then it was like something snapped in him, the tension that had been driving him just... _disappearing_ , as though it had never been there at all. Dean stepped forward, hesitant at first, as though he wasn't sure that the angel he'd been tearing Purgatory apart for was really there, before he suddenly surged forward to gather Castiel in his arms. It was the smile that _really_ threw Benny - he hadn't thought Dean capable of such an expression. Not like that, anyway. Not without it meaning that whoever he was smiling at was about to meet a bloody end. No, this was a _real_ smile, full of joy and overwhelming _relief_ , and Benny found himself having to rethink everything he had believed about the hunter in front of him. And he couldn't fathom, not even a little bit, what it was about Cas that inspired such a reaction from Dean. As near as he knew, Cas had disappeared the second they had arrived in Purgatory, and done his damnedest to make sure Dean couldn't find him again, didn't even seem all that happy to see Dean. It didn't seem like the sort of behaviour that would inspire the sort of loyalty that Dean was displaying, and yet here they were, Dean and Cas arguing back and forth until Cas finally gave in and agreed to come with them.

_I'm not leaving here without you._

That line replayed, over and over, in Benny's head. He had no doubt that Dean meant it, either. Why? It made no sense. They had a chance to get out of here, a chance to get back to Earth, to live a real life that didn't involve blood and violence at every turn, and Dean was willing to let that chance go sailing? No sense was an understatement to a truly extreme degree. But Cas had agreed to come, and Benny was too focused on making it to their target to worry about it much longer. As long as they were moving in the right direction, finally, then he didn't really care what it was that made Dean's head tick.

They noticed the difference immediately. Where before Dean and Benny had been the hunters, tracking down any sign of Cas, they were now the hunted. Leviathan ran them down everywhere they went, and Benny found himself wishing they'd never found the damned angel. Cas for his part seemed to agree, trying again and again to persuade Dean to leave him behind. Benny was fast learning that there was little on Earth or in Purgatory, likely in Heaven or Hell either, that was as stubborn as Dean Winchester though, no matter whether it was likely to kill them or not. And so, despite the protestations of both Cas and Benny, they remained a trio.

It was five days into their trek to the portal that things began to make sense to Benny. They'd camped down for the night, taking advantage of a brief respite from the Leviathan attacks. It was the only real advantage to having a Seraph with them - while it was true that he stood out like a beacon to the Leviathan, he could sense them just as easily, and for the time being they were nowhere to be found, no doubt regrouping for their next attack. Benny was taking the first watch, keeping an eye out for any other monsters that might decide to try their luck, while Dean and Cas rested inside the cave they had found. It was a quiet watch - word appeared to have gotten out about the three of them. A vampire had approached, but as soon as Benny grinned at him he turned and fled. The rest of Benny's watch was silent. He stretched as he stood, working out the kinks in his neck, and made his way into the back of the cave. One of the others should have come out to swap, but if they'd somehow both fallen asleep Benny would need to wake them. It wouldn't have been the first time. He ducked between a couple of stalactites, opening his mouth to call out, but felt the words dry up as he looked down. As he'd thought, they'd both fallen asleep. What he _hadn't_ expected was to see them tangled up together, clinging to one another, Dean's head resting on Cas' chest. Slowly, carefully, Benny crept back out again. He was pretty sure that wasn't something he was supposed to have seen. He stood at the mouth of the cave and shouted in.

"Dean, Cas! Who's taking over my watch?"

He heard the scuffing of feet, a groan as one of them stretched the knots out of their muscles. Benny looked at the sky, hands behind his back as Cas ambled out. They nodded to one another, still uneasy in each other's presence, and Benny entered the cave. Dean was sitting up, inspecting his blade. Benny sat, eyeing Dean carefully, unsure whether he should mention what he had seen. Dean looked up, his eyes narrowing.

"What?" he snapped gruffly, fingers continuing to pick their way carefully across the sharp edge of his blade.

Benny remained silent for a moment, debating the wisdom of mentioning what he had seen, before deciding that the mood Dean was in made it a safer option to keep it to himself for the time being.

"Just glad to see that we're making good time towards the portal, is all."

"Yeah, well. No point hanging around here any longer than we have to, is there?"

Benny cocked an eyebrow but didn't answer, instead lying on the cave floor and trying to find something that approached comfort. 

_Not all of us have an angel for a pillow_ he thought wryly, maneuvering his arm under his head.

In the days after that night he became much more aware of things that had slid past his notice when he'd been focused purely on finding the portal. The way Dean and Castiel rarely moved away from each other, hands frequently reaching out to touch the other; nothing major, just a shoulder clap here, the brush of an elbow there. The gazes that seemed to crackle with energy, which Benny had put down to the fight to remain alive, but under this new light seemed altogether different. He began scouting ahead more often, or dropping back to check whether they were being followed, and more often than not on his return found the two of them huddled together in conversation that would break off as soon as he came into view. Were he a more paranoid man, he'd have worried that they were plotting to get rid of him on reaching their destination, but he wasn't. Whatever it was that was going on between them, it was something exceedingly personal. Whatever it was, it was something that had been going on for a long time, and Benny wondered what Dean was going to do once he realised that Cas was telling the truth, that he had no intention of going through that portal with them. He could see the denial in the hunter's eyes, and could understand why Cas was playing along for now. But it didn't stop him worrying, and not for entirely selfish reasons either. He'd grown to respect the man, like him even, and he could see how much Cas meant to him. The angel was harder to read, but he seemed to be doing his best to keep Dean safe, to try and get him out of Purgatory even if he himself planned to stay.

He watched as Castiel walked up a small outcrop of rock, searching further for the Leviathan, and noticed the way Dean immediately tensed when he went beyond arm's reach, the way his eyes didn't once leave Cas.

"You know he's looking out for you, right Dean?"

Dean stiffened, but otherwise gave no indication that he'd heard Benny.

"And you know that he'll do whatever he decides is necessary to keep you safe. _Whatever_ he needs to do."

"Stick to things you know about, Benny." Dean grunted, still not shifting his gaze.

"I'm just sayin', you should be prepared. Like I said, I don't know if he'll even go through that portal, but there ain't no way he's gonna let you stay here. I don't know the guy, but even I can see that much."

Without warning Dean spun, eyes blazing.

"He's going through. We're all going through. Don't you even _think_ about trying to convince me to leave him behind. If he doesn't make it, neither do you."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Dean. I just want you to be prepared."

"Well don't." Dean snapped, turning back to watch Castiel clambering back down the slope. The tension slowly ebbed away, returning to it's usual level only once Cas was in front of them, Dean unconsciously raising his hand and resting it on Cas' shoulder.

"Anything?" he asked.

"Nothing, not right now." Cas answered, and Benny coughed to break the eye contact between the two of them.

"We best get moving." he said. They had to be getting close now. It was clear to him now what was going on with Dean, and he figured the sooner they made it to their target the better. He was just glad that he wasn't going to be conscious when Dean figured it out.

The man was dangerous at the best of times, and he didn't think it would be good for anyone to be around a hunter with a broken heart.

_I'm not leaving here without you._

Benny knew that no matter how fervently Dean believed that, it just wasn't true. And he knew that Dean wouldn't be the same afterwards.


End file.
